Gosh! It is 2012 and already quite exciting!
It takes a made up mind to succeed these days.
It used to be I'd listen to Great leaders or read a good NYT best selling Non-fiction to get
my direction.
Even my preacher or pastor....
but last year taught me lot and really just living this life for more than 50 years has given me
a new perspective and shown me that my Mother was indeed correct....
"don't believe everything you hear or see, hold to God's unchanging hand" Because Things have a way of changing.
In my life, so many times I've heard these words, "I am gonna make you a star"!
But then somewhere between my presentation and my life....the person that made that declaration gets lost in translation fading those words to the abyss.
But through all this, I've kept hope alive! Until in November 2010, a benign but power filled tumor was found in my right ear. It rested on my facial and acoustic nerve. So the Neurologist and the ENT doctors decided the best way to get it would be to open my skull and create a path by my brain to get it out....Results are as follows:
I cannot hear anything but scratching sounds in my right ear and I am dizzy all the time. This prohibits me from driving. I havn't worked since March of 2011.
People who don't know me think I am drunk.
People who are on Facebook all the time act as if they didn't know I even had surgery....yet it was posted each day.
I know this is random prose. But it has a purpose. It brings me to a point.
And that point is that ...well I will say it like my audiologist said to me...you weren't born like this so the transition is difficult and coupled with the constant wooziness and near loss of depth perception....that is unsettling to say the least.
At first, though I look normal, but if you hang around me it shows.....and then I see the look of sorrow in people's eyes.
I can no longer direct the choir at church. I cannot participate in festivals because I can no longer drive. I will have to re learn that ....due to the hearing and not being able to turn my head quickly without getting very dizzy.
Yes, people have prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed. Yes, people have fasted and fasted and fasted. Yes, I have been the leader of both packs. But it the hearing loss is gone and the dizziness is not abating.
But even with all this...I choose to move forward. I pretend well. I go out and even though every single thing around me is spinning....I stay out, I don't do what my brain is screaming...go home get in the bed make it stop!!!!!!!!
No, I stay with it...I laugh at the appropreiate times(when I see others laugh). I keep up the appearance of normality.
When I am home alone, that's is when I can sit still...in darkness...with cool pads on my eyes and sing my worship songs.
So be grateful for your life. You can get in your car and go where you want. If someone calls your name you can hear them and turn quickly to go in their direction with out feeling like a spinning top.
To someone like me that is a treasure I am not sure I will experience again.
And don't you dare feel sorry for me. Or think I am being punished by God. No, God has been really good to me.
He keeps the doors opening for me. I have truly wonderful family and friends and for this I never cease to thank God for them, for you.
But just be grateful This 2012.
The past is gone but the Shall Be is all that matters this 2012!
